(aka Derrick Savage-The Star)
(For those not in the know, 'SAG' means 'Screen Actors Guild', the union for professional actors. Since I am a member of 'SAG', it must mean I am a professional actor. If that is the case, then why have I paid MUCH more in union dues over the years than I have made? Are they trying to tell me something? What must I do? Get implants? Tell a director a horrible movie is a good movie? Or maybe, just maybe, learn how to act? Someday, I will figure it out , and then, I WILL BE Derrick Savage-The Star! )
A tip for those wanting to become a star: Do the opposite of what Bob does. Another tip: Use photos that are 30 years old (see below), just to make them think you are young and beautiful. Once they see you in person, you have the chance to overwhelm them with your sparkling personality, or threaten them with legal action ("of course a 57 year old can play a high school junior").
Is it a part with a lot of emotion? Learn how to barf on cue. Those overcome with emotion always barf. They will be impressed by your dedication and with what you had for breakfast (lots of fruit).
Yes, this is Bob, ooooozing with charm, charisma, talent and a REAL head of hair!!! Burt Reynolds, eat your heart out. Oh, by the way. Which pic above is the NEW Bob? Puzzling, isn't it?
Bob and Cleo on the job at Caesar's Palace-Vegas. What is left to do after being Julius Caesar?
As Valentino. Must be typecasting.
I trust these guys a lot more than I trust any agent. Bronson the lion and Sheena, the Bengal Tiger. Bronson has decided to eat my foot and rip my head off. We trained both of these beauties for film and television.
Bob the Fish tamer. Seconds later Flipper ate Bob's arm.
Missing a foot and an arm, it is hard for Bob to get work. Arm sewn neatly into coat. In this photo, I am often mistaken for Robert De Niro.
To avoid paparazzi, Bob must often disquise himself.
Foot sewn neatly into stocking.
Bob(far left)on Merv Griffin show, hiding behind mustache to avoid paparrazi.
Modeling for Oscar de LaRenta
Bob doing his Kenny G imitation. Or is that Sal Mineo?
Bob working the runway. It starts out with ooohs and aaahs, but ends with running and screaming.
Ok, so Bob is an MC, an actor and a model, but has he done anything worthwhile? Read on and weep with envy.
TELEVISION
Merv Griffin---P.M. Magazine---Unsolved Mysteries--Bay Area Backroads
FILM
Kill Me Again --Val Kilmer--- Honeymoon In Vegas ---James Caan--- Six Days, Seven Nights ---Harrison Ford
COMMERCIALS
Approximately 40 television commercials
THEATER
Wizard of Oz--Scarecrow-----Julius Caesar-Caesar's Palace-Las Vegas
Saturday Night Live-Hilton Hotels-Nordstrom Stores-Holiday Inns-Red Lion Motor Inns-Various others
KUDOS
Founder-Western Onion Singing Telegrams-1978
Founder-Hawaii Movie Tours-1996
TRAINING
Acting for the camera-Dimitri Sodirakus-DGA -------Film Acting-Dennis Redford-SAG
Acting for the stage-Dorothy Darby Smith-------------Potty Training-his parents
If you have a job for Bob, he is represented by Movie Tours, Inc. (because no one else will)
Please hire this idiot and send him far, far away!
1-800-628-8432
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